how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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