My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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