That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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