I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
