Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
