I faked an abortion last night.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
