I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
