therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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