I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
3 2 1 whiskey
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize