anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
