Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
