Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
