i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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