Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
