She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
