After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm getting married
To pizza
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
