she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
