I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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