we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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