i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
