just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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