"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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