Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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