You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize