jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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