i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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