I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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