3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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