my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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