We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I want her autograph on my taint
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Randomize
