My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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