Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
