lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
