Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
