great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
