From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
