she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
