My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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