I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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