I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
