There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
