I wish I could teleport
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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