Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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