my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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