Sry I called you an 8
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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