Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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