Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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