remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
