You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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