I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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