He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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