I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
