Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
