if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
