Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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