Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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