Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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