you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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