Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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