My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
