Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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