i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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