I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
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