There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
