At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
