any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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