Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
