I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
