remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
