Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
