Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
